Saturday, July 05, 2008

woorabinda on my mind...

mood: languid enough.
state i'm in: rainy day reading.
tune: zero 7 & josé gonzález 'crosses'.


i don't think i'm a country person, by any stretch of the imagination, but i have really been missing the solitude of rural life lately. and missing the general mood of woorabinda. i miss the relaxing days, the 20 second walk to work in the morning, fooling around for half the day with the health workers, and being intimately in touch with some very transforming social issues that grab a community by the shirt and shake it back to its cowering in the corner. i miss the yarns the most.

i've been back in brisbane for some time now, about 6 weeks, and it's becoming painfully obvious how little solitute a set of headphones really affords. it's an escape nonetheless, to pop on some blondie or blue six and lose yourself in the patterns on the plastic mouldings of the train interior. but it's not the sort of cathartic escape possible when your town lies hours from civilisation. there is no paddock or airstrip you can wander off into, where you can scream without being heard by anything but the kangaroos and the apostlebirds.

moreover, the extreme solitude i experienced, some of it self-imposed, has left me struggling to deal with people at such close quarters. it's not that i don't want them near, but i just find myself exuding an emotional coldness which is not so characteristic. the depth of these feelings and the revelations to be found within them is a little troubling.

anyway, here's some pics from my peripatetic days...



the old duaringa butcher... not sure if the meat's so fresh



rural hazard



view from horseshoe lookout, blackdown tableland nat'l park




in a moist part of the national park



view from descent down blackdown tableland



red-winged parrots... before alighting, they were 70km/h streaks of greed, red and blue



my flatmate... mostly just kept to himself



good camouflage



big sky country... beside the airstrip



my room, and that shitty phone!



one chilly night after a few drinks at dr mary's place. this is the woorabinda health service by night, complete with obligatory grazing horses



have i got the wrong car park?



somewhere between duaringa and nowhere



some of the local kids performing



damian, a good performer, whether at a corroboree or a public meeting




with lizzie and woggie... i felt like i connected with lizzie the most, over lots of cuppas out the back, yarning about all sorts of local and not-so-local issues; while a tad tangential at times, she always had something to say worth listening to



with yasmin and uncle bill, who's radio station i frequented



hard working woorie



crazy psychologist loretta



renee with her young one, maurie and lizzie



uncle charlie, shirley, and leeann the gatekeeper of the health service... uncle charlie was a hoot



aunty pam and aunty mary... "it's friday... where's my beeeeer?"



margaret (RN), bodgy and maurie



the health service resident's adopted dog, mia. such a sweet little thing



farewell woorie...


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images: mine

Monday, June 09, 2008

touching base...

mood: uncomfortable.
state i'm in: orthopaedically bored.
tune: madonna 'swim'


i feel so enormously out-of-touch with my regular musings here. the life away from brisbane has taken it's toll.

so i'd like to make amends and get this thing kick-started again.

when you're out of touch with a friend, it gets harder and harder with each day to regain contact. there is more and more to tell them about and it just feels like such an ordeal that you don't bother... and then it gets harder still. sort of feels like that with my blog, much like a friend.

so where to start? i could start where i left off... in reality however, i left off about novemeber last year. still haven't posted any pics from suffien and my little road trip through new south wales and canberra for emma and clay's wedding. never posted a great deal in nambour. managed to post absolutely nothing when away in rockhampton and woorabinda for my rural rotation, in spite of this being one of the experiences of my life.

i guess i'll just write about what's going on now, and intersperse it with experiences from over the preceding months.

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being back in brisbane isn't too bad. true, spending virtually all of my 28 years in this city have made me a little less than excited by what it offers, but i know it could be so much worse (read rockhampton). i have some great friends here, made both pre- and post-entry to med, then there is the lovely suffien, and of course there is my family. watching my niece grow up has to be one of my favourite hobbies.


internal medicine and rural rotations are out of the way, which sees me at the royal brisbane and womens, and wesley hospitals for surgery rotation, starting with orthopaedics. i won't say too much about it, except that whilst i don't mind orthopaedics, orthopaedic surgeons, for the most part, are a whole different story.

more to come...

Saturday, March 15, 2008

still in nambour...

mood: cloudy.
state i'm in: a little unwell... strep pneumoniae anyone?
tune: none... just the hum of computers in NGH library.


yes, still in nambour, but alas, my sunny coast days are numbered.

exams are on thursday, and i have to say i am not really that confident about my ability to do well. a pass is likely (if based purely on odds), but much more than that seems difficult. the last two years of this thing they call and MBBS has essentially knocked most of the academic self-esteem out of me.

still, i have only fond sentiments about the overall experience here... the staff are fantastic, and will be missed... have had a great time with a great buinch of people up here... the area is a nice place to study, with beaches and hinteralnd and shops and quaint towns all within easy reach... and what pub other than the club hotel in the main street can boast such noisy crickets in their garden beds.

so onward into my final week, where i will be banned form the hospital here and left to the mercy of the oldies in caloundra for three days of practice before thursday. then, we shall drink.

Friday, February 08, 2008

nambour week 2

mood: excited about tomorrow.
state i'm in: damaging the dalton.
tune: bryan ferry 'time on my hands'.


nambour viewed from the west


a few things are starting to take shape as the second week of my internal medicine rotation comes to an end. most importantly for the short term, i think i am gaining an understanding of what is required by my assessors. but even more exciting than that, i am starting to feel as if i have some worth within the medical team. i have made a couple of contributions to patient management (21-hydroxylase adrenal antibodies may yet prove to be my coup d'etat of the rotation), and am slowly coming to grips with form after form and reams of progress notes to be filled out. i feel i am making some encouraging headway.

however, nothing hardens my resolve to become a doctor more than the tremendous power of the relationship between doctor and patient. when a patient or one of their kin shakes your hand, and thanks you, or expresses their faith and hopes in you... well, it is very difficult to describe the power of that connection. there is such an enormous gravity beholden to the plans we make for and with our patients.

this is not a rant about how much power a doctor might have, and how intoxicating such power might be - i would hate it to be viewed as such.

what i would like to express is the immense pride i am filled with in myself, in my profession and those affiliated with it, including the patients themselves, for embarking together on the endeavour to reach a common goal - that goal being the most satisfying outcome for the patient. so often this runs in the face of our own naïvety or the challenging nature of many of the patients and their circumstances, but there is never an instance when we have nothing to offer, even if it is merely genuine compassion. it is such an awesome feat to witness at such close quarters.





storm front rolling over alexandra headland

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images: mine

Saturday, February 02, 2008

g'day

mood: calm.
state i'm in: where's the cheese?
tune: mylo 'zenophile'.


this video reel of bloopers from 'come and get it' just surfaced earlier this month. who'd have thought peter russell-clark would have had such a potty-mouth...


Friday, February 01, 2008

nambour week 1

mood: a little down...
state i'm in: such a pleasant place to not be on holidays.
tune: tori amos 'cornflake girl'.


i took today off, which means my first week in nambour was over prematurely… just a three day week to start with.

whilst seeing a patient yesterday, a man in the next bed arrested, which must be the most exciting thing that has happened thus far. i have not seen such a cataclysmic convergence of medical staff before in my short career, from a nurse tapping me on the shoulder to help, to her then realising I was a lowly student, then grabbing the intern to check the patient, then there were a dozen then twenty or more hospital staff members standing around observing this man’s chest being compressed to a third depth, or assist in handing something requested by the resuscitation team. i just stood idly by and watched.

other than that, my first week has taught me that really i have few answers. i cannot answer my supervisors with certainty of my correctness, and i cannot answer many of the patients’ queries due to concerns of not saying what the reg or consultant would say. i cannot do the job as good as anyone else can, so it makes doing any job at all tough.

nevertheless, i am willing to persist for now, in spite of my mother’s warning me to beware of the noravirus infection in nambour general, pressing on hoping to one day become competent in something.

the most i can say for now is that my efforts in my first week have been a quite self-deprecating endeavour.

at least life on the sunny coast is pretty good - beach nearby, friendly locals, and a comfy house to live in with a couple of good roommates. not all complaints up here.

Friday, January 25, 2008

halfway

mood: cheery, no more work...
state i'm in: mashin' it up one time!
tune: jay-j & mark grant feat. latrice barnett 'love is'.


reaching halfway through any course is a bit of a milestone; halfway through med is all the more significant in so far as that it heralds an end to primarily academic study and ushers in one's years of clinical training - we are now truly 'doctors-in-training'. this makes me glad, although i do have almost as strong a feelings of apprehension as excitement. but really, there is only usefulness to be found in entertaining one set of thoughts.

the following excerpt from a work by writer bruce durbin sort of captures the mood, and the picture immediately below certainly seizes a moment spent celebrating it... godspeed!




have you ever crossed a river? no, not using a bridge, but rather venturing into the rushing current using only your legs? as you step into the flowing water, the current will attempt to carry you downstream. the rocks, made smooth by countless centuries of rushing water, are slippery and your footing is uncertain.

as you look down into the rushing water, while you're standing still, the movement of the water, sweeping around your legs, invites you to follow the flowing water downstream. you become entranced with the flowing water. the water's movement forms multiple patterns as it moves effortlessly over rocks. you try to see into the deep pools of darkened water. all around you, there is the motion of the flowing water.

as you move further across the river, you reach a point where it is as dangerous to return to the shore from which you abandoned, as it is to continue on your journey to the other side.

as you stand still in the moving water considering which way to venture, the water rushes on. in order to start your journey from the middle of the river to one bank or the other, you must re-start the precarious journey. the current has not subsided and will attempt to carry you downstream. the rocks remain smooth and slippery. your footing will still be uncertain.

you have ventured into a flowing river. now, the question forms in your mind:

"how long can i remain in the current of a rushing river, contemplating which way to venture?"

excluding the possibility that the water will be miraculously stopped upstream from you, ceasing the flow of the water and creating dry land, you will be forced to either attempt to reach the far shore or the shore that you left.

staying in the middle of the river is not an option.

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image: paula hade

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

the gym

mood: languid.
state i'm in: sharing the moon.
tune: lovestation 'teardrops' (joey negro 12" mix).


i really like going swimming. i actually quite dislike going to the gym; i find it quite unpleasant. when one goes to the gym, he has to accept an extreme imposition upon his mood.

whilst on the way to them gym, i may be in one of many, many frames of mind, however it is very difficult to maintain that mood, and impossible to even entertain the thought of exploring it and its reasons for existing. my mood must compete for existence with everything the gym has to throw at it, the music being paramount among these. the lighting is stark and there are people around you fashioned into inscrutability themselves by the gym's offerings.

i find this frustrating, and, depending on the mood i'm in, normally quite unsavoury. having been at the gym for some time, i usually come around, begrudgingly, to its ways - stubborn, but ultimately malleable. i still find pleasure in a good cardiovascular workout and challenging myself on the free weights. once i leave, i can resume poring over whatever concerns i might have that day.

when i go the pool for a swim, i am free to take with me into the water my mood. i can and usually do explore it, along with the many other thoughts sidling into my consciousness. i can dissect any issue that concerns me, personal or otherwise, and usually end up coming to appreciate my place in the world at that very moment just a bit better. i treasure this time immensely, and look forward to it during my journey to the pool's entirety.

only occasionally to i enjoy the journey to the gym.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

automating

mood: essentially flat.
state i'm in: a tad askew.
tune: tasmin archer 'sleeping satellite'.


i track down a lot of songs from when i was younger, songs that i knew then, or perhaps just an artist i knew from that era that i had one song of, who i now proceed to acquire many songs of. i guess it takes me back to that era of my life, teenage years, when times were a lot more dynamic and exciting.

there were many things i needed to do, whereas now there are basically just things i want to do. now if i want to get into a relationship with a certain person, than i go and do it; when i want to study a certain course, i go and study it - basically, i do the things i want to do, and not the things i need to do. i once needed to act in a certain way, and spend time with certain crowds, and have a certain type of fun, and sleep with a certain type of person - these were things i needed to do, in order to be a person i needed to be.

i find it a lot more exciting when i am doing the things i need to do. why do i find more excitement in the things i need to do, and not those i want to do, a predicament that defies intuition? (even now, the most exciting things are still those i need to do, such as exams or compulsory prac work.) i fancy it's because back then, i needed to do certain things, such things that lead to me growing up, achieving milestones, whereas now i am mostly grown up, i think. what could be more exciting than growing up?

growing up is more exciting than being grown up, which is basically about being too mechanistic, i think.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

quoted...

mood: listless.
state i'm in: pie poisoned.
tune: george michael 'jesus to a child'.


this is gold... couldn't have said it better myself.

"the point is that there's a hell of a lot of money to be made in keeping people overweight and being 'pissed'."

victorian health expert professor robert moodie discussing the implications of a recently published longitudinal study examining the effect of healthy lifestyle measures such as diet and smoking status.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

the good life

mood: happy.
state i'm in: electric blue.
tune: tony bennett 'the good life'


today i feel really happy. really, life feels quite good indeed.

i spent most of today watching the cricket, reading the paper and eating on the couch. had a few candid phone conversations and looked forward to another day off work. three days off work is really bliss. time for myself, for the gym, for shopping or for seeing someone and even for just doing very little at all. more of this please!

work gets in the way of a holiday, but work means money, and that sure is a good thing. it is nice to be earning enough to allow your own finances to make sense - i am earning to save and buy the things i desire for myself and others.

the weather may be inclement, but that too pleases me. the rain and cool breezes as an alternative to blistering heat is fantastic. just a few weeks ago, as it was heating up, i was cursing the thick air, rank with the stench of rotting roadkill and detritus. how nice it would be for this weather to continue into the coming weeks, unlikely as it is.

i've spoken to several of my friends lately, and all are looking forward to things in the new year. they all have an adventure ahead or a scheme at the fore of their mind. every one is achieving, and i find that a really good feeling, to be surrounded by people going in a direction they desire. likewise, i have a lot ahead of me this coming year. i would be lying if i denied a degree of apprehension about what lies ahead, but i have confidence in my teachers that they know roughly what it is i need to achieve what both they and i hope i will achieve.

christmas and new years eve were pretty quiet, but i felt better for it. spending time with just the immeidate family on christmas day was a lot of fun and a few bottles of bubbles with trent and chico on new years eve, fireworks visible through the drizzly mist from my balcony, was just the ticket this year i feel.


HNY 2008 from trent


the andy warhol exhibition at GOMA is absolutely fantastic. to anyone who has yet to go, especially if they are the sort to say 'i am not really into modern art' or 'i just don't really get warhol as real art'. it is more than just an exhibition of art. between the efforts of mr warhol and the gallery's curators, it is a journey through the entire warhol epoch and everything that was going on around him a the time. the man's work certainly reflected of the times he was living in, and as such this makes him not just an influential artist, but something of an historian also, albeit one with a unique approach to the presentation of events. the venue was quintessential to the experience. having visited the national gallery in canberra recently, i can safely say that the brisbane gallery puts it entirely to shame. GOMA certainly is a real treasure to this city, and one of my favourite places to spend time.



as i pick up the paper or log on to some of my favourite news websites each day, i am greeted by stories that fill me with confidence for the decision we all took on that fateful day in late november. there is just so much sensibility in the actions our new federal government has taken thus far. i have the odd gripe here and there, but it nice to be grumbling over the fine details for a change as opposed to an entire action as was so frequently the case with regards to the former government. that australia seems like an age ago already.

to cap it all off there's a string of jazz tunes emanating from my speakers - life sure ain't bad at all!

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images: mine