halfway

mood: cheery, no more work...
state i'm in: mashin' it up one time!
tune: jay-j & mark grant feat. latrice barnett 'love is'.


reaching halfway through any course is a bit of a milestone; halfway through med is all the more significant in so far as that it heralds an end to primarily academic study and ushers in one's years of clinical training - we are now truly 'doctors-in-training'. this makes me glad, although i do have almost as strong a feelings of apprehension as excitement. but really, there is only usefulness to be found in entertaining one set of thoughts.

the following excerpt from a work by writer bruce durbin sort of captures the mood, and the picture immediately below certainly seizes a moment spent celebrating it... godspeed!




have you ever crossed a river? no, not using a bridge, but rather venturing into the rushing current using only your legs? as you step into the flowing water, the current will attempt to carry you downstream. the rocks, made smooth by countless centuries of rushing water, are slippery and your footing is uncertain.

as you look down into the rushing water, while you're standing still, the movement of the water, sweeping around your legs, invites you to follow the flowing water downstream. you become entranced with the flowing water. the water's movement forms multiple patterns as it moves effortlessly over rocks. you try to see into the deep pools of darkened water. all around you, there is the motion of the flowing water.

as you move further across the river, you reach a point where it is as dangerous to return to the shore from which you abandoned, as it is to continue on your journey to the other side.

as you stand still in the moving water considering which way to venture, the water rushes on. in order to start your journey from the middle of the river to one bank or the other, you must re-start the precarious journey. the current has not subsided and will attempt to carry you downstream. the rocks remain smooth and slippery. your footing will still be uncertain.

you have ventured into a flowing river. now, the question forms in your mind:

"how long can i remain in the current of a rushing river, contemplating which way to venture?"

excluding the possibility that the water will be miraculously stopped upstream from you, ceasing the flow of the water and creating dry land, you will be forced to either attempt to reach the far shore or the shore that you left.

staying in the middle of the river is not an option.

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image: paula hade

the gym

mood: languid.
state i'm in: sharing the moon.
tune: lovestation 'teardrops' (joey negro 12" mix).


i really like going swimming. i actually quite dislike going to the gym; i find it quite unpleasant. when one goes to the gym, he has to accept an extreme imposition upon his mood.

whilst on the way to them gym, i may be in one of many, many frames of mind, however it is very difficult to maintain that mood, and impossible to even entertain the thought of exploring it and its reasons for existing. my mood must compete for existence with everything the gym has to throw at it, the music being paramount among these. the lighting is stark and there are people around you fashioned into inscrutability themselves by the gym's offerings.

i find this frustrating, and, depending on the mood i'm in, normally quite unsavoury. having been at the gym for some time, i usually come around, begrudgingly, to its ways - stubborn, but ultimately malleable. i still find pleasure in a good cardiovascular workout and challenging myself on the free weights. once i leave, i can resume poring over whatever concerns i might have that day.

when i go the pool for a swim, i am free to take with me into the water my mood. i can and usually do explore it, along with the many other thoughts sidling into my consciousness. i can dissect any issue that concerns me, personal or otherwise, and usually end up coming to appreciate my place in the world at that very moment just a bit better. i treasure this time immensely, and look forward to it during my journey to the pool's entirety.

only occasionally to i enjoy the journey to the gym.

automating

mood: essentially flat.
state i'm in: a tad askew.
tune: tasmin archer 'sleeping satellite'.


i track down a lot of songs from when i was younger, songs that i knew then, or perhaps just an artist i knew from that era that i had one song of, who i now proceed to acquire many songs of. i guess it takes me back to that era of my life, teenage years, when times were a lot more dynamic and exciting.

there were many things i needed to do, whereas now there are basically just things i want to do. now if i want to get into a relationship with a certain person, than i go and do it; when i want to study a certain course, i go and study it - basically, i do the things i want to do, and not the things i need to do. i once needed to act in a certain way, and spend time with certain crowds, and have a certain type of fun, and sleep with a certain type of person - these were things i needed to do, in order to be a person i needed to be.

i find it a lot more exciting when i am doing the things i need to do. why do i find more excitement in the things i need to do, and not those i want to do, a predicament that defies intuition? (even now, the most exciting things are still those i need to do, such as exams or compulsory prac work.) i fancy it's because back then, i needed to do certain things, such things that lead to me growing up, achieving milestones, whereas now i am mostly grown up, i think. what could be more exciting than growing up?

growing up is more exciting than being grown up, which is basically about being too mechanistic, i think.

quoted...

mood: listless.
state i'm in: pie poisoned.
tune: george michael 'jesus to a child'.


this is gold... couldn't have said it better myself.

"the point is that there's a hell of a lot of money to be made in keeping people overweight and being 'pissed'."

victorian health expert professor robert moodie discussing the implications of a recently published longitudinal study examining the effect of healthy lifestyle measures such as diet and smoking status.

the good life

mood: happy.
state i'm in: electric blue.
tune: tony bennett 'the good life'


today i feel really happy. really, life feels quite good indeed.

i spent most of today watching the cricket, reading the paper and eating on the couch. had a few candid phone conversations and looked forward to another day off work. three days off work is really bliss. time for myself, for the gym, for shopping or for seeing someone and even for just doing very little at all. more of this please!

work gets in the way of a holiday, but work means money, and that sure is a good thing. it is nice to be earning enough to allow your own finances to make sense - i am earning to save and buy the things i desire for myself and others.

the weather may be inclement, but that too pleases me. the rain and cool breezes as an alternative to blistering heat is fantastic. just a few weeks ago, as it was heating up, i was cursing the thick air, rank with the stench of rotting roadkill and detritus. how nice it would be for this weather to continue into the coming weeks, unlikely as it is.

i've spoken to several of my friends lately, and all are looking forward to things in the new year. they all have an adventure ahead or a scheme at the fore of their mind. every one is achieving, and i find that a really good feeling, to be surrounded by people going in a direction they desire. likewise, i have a lot ahead of me this coming year. i would be lying if i denied a degree of apprehension about what lies ahead, but i have confidence in my teachers that they know roughly what it is i need to achieve what both they and i hope i will achieve.

christmas and new years eve were pretty quiet, but i felt better for it. spending time with just the immeidate family on christmas day was a lot of fun and a few bottles of bubbles with trent and chico on new years eve, fireworks visible through the drizzly mist from my balcony, was just the ticket this year i feel.

HNY 2008 from trent

the andy warhol exhibition at GOMA is absolutely fantastic. to anyone who has yet to go, especially if they are the sort to say 'i am not really into modern art' or 'i just don't really get warhol as real art'. it is more than just an exhibition of art. between the efforts of mr warhol and the gallery's curators, it is a journey through the entire warhol epoch and everything that was going on around him a the time. the man's work certainly reflected of the times he was living in, and as such this makes him not just an influential artist, but something of an historian also, albeit one with a unique approach to the presentation of events. the venue was quintessential to the experience. having visited the national gallery in canberra recently, i can safely say that the brisbane gallery puts it entirely to shame. GOMA certainly is a real treasure to this city, and one of my favourite places to spend time.



as i pick up the paper or log on to some of my favourite news websites each day, i am greeted by stories that fill me with confidence for the decision we all took on that fateful day in late november. there is just so much sensibility in the actions our new federal government has taken thus far. i have the odd gripe here and there, but it nice to be grumbling over the fine details for a change as opposed to an entire action as was so frequently the case with regards to the former government. that australia seems like an age ago already.

to cap it all off there's a string of jazz tunes emanating from my speakers - life sure ain't bad at all!

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images: mine