a utilitarian endeavour

mood: drained.
state i'm in: réflexion du vin rouge.
tune: tim buckley "buzzin' fly"... "walkin' hand in hand, all along the sand, a sea-bird knew your name..."

this time in a week, a meagre seven days, i will be winding down my studies for the semester, preparing for an exam at the all-to-evil time of 8am. mornings and i have been having a rather tepid relationship for some time now. emotion necessitates that i steal myself away from my priming for this impending juncture and have a grumble.

whenever i am forced to exile myself to my hole in the world for an extended period, the thoughts of escape, be it distant or far, become overwhelming. i crave novelty like no other time. life becomes a utilitarian endeavour towards a single objective, and it almost drives me demented!

anyone's predicament on television looks like a better state to be in than here and now... being a rock star on the ABC's 'spicks & specks', or a CPA on an advertisement set in seattle, or a well-paid producer for the oprah winfrey show. (did i mention i am seeing far too much television these last few days?)

my mind frequently casts itself back to holidays, in european cities, or on a beach not all that far away; to experiences in a small family apartment in an asian metropolis, and even a parsnip and stilton souffle on a cold christmas day. i find solace in a wine catalogue, dreaming how one day i might be wealthy enough to have a nice dusty collection somewhere in the depths of an august residence, far from my current quandary.

these are the weeks, few and far between, when i feel utter disdain for my place in medical school. urgh!!


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images: mine