not ready!

mood: just ignore it and smile.
state i'm in: sense of impending doom.
tune: madonna "love don't live here anymore"


the gravity of what tomorrow holds is having a hard time setting in. 19th january, and school's in. i categorically am not mentally ready for a new year.

i need at least a couple more weeks off. i need to spend a week or more just relaxing with suffien. i've had something like 10 weeks or more off, yet we haven't hardly anything of a holiday together. and by the time he gets back my head will be down, and i will have only brief moments available with which to come up for air.

i am not ready for the workload just yet. pounded with a rlentless barrage of knowledge. making feeble attempts to acquire a broad range of clinical reasoning and physical examination skills.

i am not ready to deal with so many unfortunate souls. so much suffering and despair, fear and inconvenience, discomfort and emptiness. so many diseases i have never heard of, and the people that they afflict. hopefully, the optimism can outway the desperation.

but what else is there to do but the same old approach. when another brick wall is reached, no point complaining or standing pondering how best to deal with it, just bash the fucker down and keep trudging on.