could have been

mood: even more f'ed.
state i'm in: well done.
tune: deborah conway "it's only the beginning".


for the first time in as long as i can remember, maybe first time ever, i am not feeling so grateful about the personal experiences of my life for the 8 years before this one. always thought the old adage "you learn from your experiences, from your mistakes" applied well to my early adult years.

now thoughts pointing to the value of "learning" from early mistakes are beginning to elude me. could i not have just gotten it right first time around - mistakes everted. if only i really knew what i wanted, and what it meant - when ideas of what i wanted were less precise than what they could (should?) have been. it could have been as simple as it seems now, i honestly believe that. it seems so simple now. so pure and right and easy.

it's not a polarisation of thoughts, just a case of embracing something simple, yet as fulfilling as anything complex.

rambling, am i? maybe.

could be the meagre three hours sleep i managed to clock up last night, mixed with an unhealthy dose of oncology and musculoskeletal examinations. who the fuck texts you at 6am! kiddo deluxe does, that's who - thanks so much, em. and with walls as thin as water crackers (while my big wooden bed creaks like an old barn door in a storm, but that's not for here) finding sleep after about 7am is a lost cause. fuck i'm fried.

hmmm, i'm becoming one of those bloggers lately, aren't i - but really, other than the indefinite closure of brisbane's major expressway, what else exciting is happening right now? is my world too small right now?

mmmm, penfold's bluestone tawny... my special study buddy.