brain = friable

mood: f'ed.
state i'm in: oh, how the peanut slab glistens under the desklamp.
tune: gabrielle "sunshine".

well, i'm officially fried. just feel cruddy today. went up to the library to get a book, bumped into a big embrace from my good friend angel and another old friend kate, both from the old science days. my face just felt weird to be talking - my muscles of facial expression have become superfluous in these last few days. my brain felt even worse. i had to think about more than one thing, in more than one direction. the conversation was ruling the tangent of my thoughts, and i wasn't coping well. what a bloody effort!

got the book, came home, back to the sanctuary of my room and ibook, where no one but me can alter the direction of my thoughts. and i will keep directing them in the direction of my studies, coursing through the body system by system. if i need company, i've always got the forresters and co. at 4:30 each afternoon.


physically not too good either. feeling sluggish. muscles are wasted. stomach is looking swollen, can't possibly be fat. my normal intake of food is not compatible with the level of (in)activity i am slothing in. no fatty stuff today. or tomorrow. or the next day. held a little whittaker's peanut slab in my hand a few times today, but have now put it on my desk, with a red delicious apple sitting, as if a guardian, between me and it. must... be... strong... if i am going to eat, it will be because i am hungry. if i am hungry, i will eat the apple. hmmm, sound a bit like my mother...



ok, i know, this is one of those wanky, all-about-me, like-you'd-give-a-fuck, blog entries. going now.