mood: empty.state i'm in: a little gutted.
tune: lux "northern lights".
this afternoon bore the brunt of a steady decline in my emotional state.
with exams in the not too distant future, i can feel the anxieties of it all beginning to boil to the surface. these coming exams will be horrible. i think i will pass them, but i also know the six or seven weeks between now and when i am drunk at the post-exam party will be hellish. i feel rather battered by this renal module; it's interesting, but there seems no end to the complexity. after this there is still reproduction and endocrinology to go, which may be heavier still.
adding to this is the uneasiness of my imminent transition to a more clinically-oriented education. as i listen to stories from those a little further down their educational path, i am left with a feeling of dubiety - will i have the nous for what lies ahead; will i be able to impress my seniors and have my aptitude for the game looked upon favourably; will my eagerness be too dramatically blunted by the litany of gomers that languish, shambolic and recalcitrant, on my path ahead. right now, for all the anxieties, having sat in lecture theatres and tutorial rooms for nigh on 6 years, i feel somewhat safe in the groves of academe. the excitement of the sharp difference between current educational methods and those ahead, as well as the possibility of the delivery being in rural parts of the state as well as overseas, is enough for me to view this forthcoming change with a net enthusiasm, but i remain fretful nevertheless.
right now things feel tough. these emotions are causing my feelings for the rest of life to suffer. aside from not experiencing much of a social life wherein i am possessed of my normal relaxed demeanour, i am finding myself feeling ever more anhedonic toward time spent with my family and suffien. this is hurtful and unpleasant. i am about to enter a dark trench, and there is much uncertainty about what lies on the other side should i make it out. thankfully, i have just learnt this afternoon that i will have over two months of holidays at years end. a rare moment of clemency from the medical school.
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image: public
2 comments:
Aww I think I understand how you're feeling right now. I'm really over uni right now... Nonetheless, listening to the QR Citytrain song always helps. LoL. I love Cafe Del Mar CDs... it's the first song on CDM7 :P
Take care...
yes it is, track one, CDM7... but i had no idea it was on the QR citytrain ads. cool!
as a control freak, i just don't think i am coping my best with this much uncertainty in the near future. results from the last exam are not placating my feelings one bit either!
thanks for the empathy :-)
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