mood: a little inebriated.
state i'm in: staring into a puddle.
tune: turin brakes "the road".
this time about a year ago, i was counting down to the day i would hop on a jet plane and take off for distant continents, on a life-affirming journey (although i didn't want to think of it as such at the time).
how different life was. simple, yet infinitely more reckless.
it strikes me how differently we live our lives depending on the social circumstances we find ourselves in.
imagine your life, and how it might be, if some things had have been different. if you didn't get into that course, or took a different job, or dumped that person a year or two earlier than you did? would it actually be different, or merely superficially.
if the boyfriend or course or job was different, would your life have been significantly different or superficially so? the same life can be led largely the same regardless of the specific partner/course of study/job. you will lead the life you want to lead, given what lies ahead can be knowingly predicted to a fair degree, even if not in the enth detail.
subcounsciously, we make it for ourselves every day, and the so-called "centres of our world" are only incidental, chosen by us to suit the direction in which we have chosen to take. do we then go on to make them the true centre, or do we remain the centre, and adjust these variables to suit the flow? are we selfish if we remain the centre around which we place the "variables" of our life? are we magnanimous if we place a thing other than ourselves before all else? is one more human than the other, unique to a particular generation, or a type of personality or character, or would anyone do the same under the same circumstances?
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2 comments:
Too many questions in the last paragraph? Too much rhetoric... LoL.
You know that entry seems a bit emo but for me I see my life as a "struggle". It's not a struggle against odds/others but myself. I struggle with "being gay", I struggle with "being Asian"... I struggle with being a human!
Nonetheless I like the entry - I do think that we are very self-centred beings. It's embarrassing and unforgivable.
i was a bit pissed when i wrote that actually. hence, i repeated myself a couple of times lol
but yeah, the basic premise is the same in sobriety: i have "chosen" my surroundings regardless of whether i even thought about them for a second.
thanks, emo jared.
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